Dear Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,
I feel as though I write to you quite often as a group. However I find these letters to help with my stress levels. It's kind of like journaling for me except writing to other people besides just the journal. I apologize for writing to you all in such a group all the time. Initially this project was to acknowledge those I've met and haven't met and put the focus on them. It was a project to help me think of others before myself and remind myself of all the amazing people who have entered into my life. 
And yet I find myself pondering this late letter at work and knowing that it'll only help to get the words out so I don't keep them tucked away forever. I've written to you not long ago that I've been struggling in my walk. This I know is something we will all face and for some, we may face it every day. I've thought long and hard about why I sin and what catches me. I've always blamed it on Satan and hated him for every wrong thing I've done. That was until I found out that Satan does not know our thoughts or can enter our minds....which only turned the hatred towards myself. If not Satan's doings then how could I even think of speaking to the Righteous One when all I do is bad? Self hatred is not something new to me, and it is a dark shadow that rises up when I am even the slightest bit weak. 
But another thought struck me today as I continued to push through Ted Dekker's, The Slumber of Christianity, as well as during the forty minutes I lay completely still in the MRI. That thought was that I, a mere human, am stuck in a cosmic battle between the Creator and Satan. Satan may not be omnipresent, but he has warriors, and these warriors know the human heart better then we do. Satan and his fiends know exactly what needs to be put in front of us, how to develop our cultures to fulfill our desires. Even if he does not know what we are thinking this very moment, he knows how to manipulate us and pull us into his web. I may be a sinner, but I don't have to hate myself for the evil I've done. As Dekker makes a main point in his book, I have hope. I have a living hope that can help me see past my flaws and look towards the Creator who loves me and wants me to accept Him. It is so difficult to know that I am loved at times. Even now as I write this, a metaphorical thorn in my side from a sin that has grabbed hold of me so right for so long, I know that I am loved. 
I apologize for the ramblings, but as my depressed state of mind would rather have me curl up in a corner and hide from the world, I feel it is best I write some of these thoughts down to you my family and friends.
God bless.
Sincerely,
Yvette